What Loving Yourself Actually Looks Like (It's Not What You Think)

When you think of "self-love" what comes to mind?  Maybe a spa day, candles, or a positive affirmation in front of the mirror.  But real self-love?  It's deeper, messier, and way more practical that what we see on social media.  It's about making tough choices, setting boundaries, and choosing what's best for you --even when it feels uncomfortable.

In this post, we're going to break down what self-love actually looks like in the real world, beyond the cliches.

1.  Self-love is setting boundaries (even when it's hard).  

Saying "no" to things that drain you or don't align with your values is a powerful act of self-love.  It can feel difficult, especially if you're used to people-pleasing, but it's about respecting your own needs.

Example:  Saying "no" to a last-minute favor or request from a friend because you need time to rest or take care of yourself.

2. Self-love is being honest with yourself

It's not always about boosting your self-esteem -- sometimes, it's about confronting your weaknesses with compassion.  Recognizing when you're not being your best self is a form of self-respect.  And, you can acknowledge it without guilt or shame.

Example:  Admitting that you're feeling overwhelmed and need to ask for help, instead of pretending you have everything under control.

3. Self-love is forgiving yourself.

You'll make mistakes.  You'll fall short.  Self-love isn't about avoiding mistakes --it's about being kind to yourself when they happen.  Forgiving yourself gives you permission to learn, grow, and move forward.

Example: When you mess up or feel like you've failed, you don't beat yourself up.  Instead, you say, "It's okay, I'll learn from this."

4. Self-love is accepting where you are right now.

It's easy to think that you'll love yourself when you're "better" -- when you've reached a goal, healthier, richer, or fixed a flaw.  But true self-love means accepting who you are, right where you are, without needing to be "perfect" first.

Example: Feeling proud of who you are today, despite not being exactly where you want to be.  You accept yourself in this moment.

5. Self-love is giving yourself permission to rest.

You don't have to be constantly productive to be valuable.  Rest is just as important as action in nurturing yourself.  It's okay to take a break, sleep in, or just do nothing.

Example:  Choosing to take a nap or spend a lazy day doing something that brings you peace, without guilt.

6. Self-love is showing up for yourself, even when it's hard.

It's easy to love yourself when things are going well.  But real self-love is about sticking with yourself during difficutl moments -- whether you're going through a hard time or having to work through something challenging.

Example:  When you're having a touch day, you don't quit on yourself.  You still take care of your needs, even if it's one tiny step at a time.  

7. Self-love is choosing to let go of toxic relationships.

Loving yourself sometimes means saying goodbye to people who don't support or respect you.  It's hard, but it's necessary for your emotional and mental well-being.

Example: Ending or distancing yourself from relationships that drain you or make you feel less than.

8. Self-love is celebrating your uniqueness.

You are enough just as you are -- flaws, quirks, and all.  Loving yourself is about embracing your unique trails, rather than wishing you were someone else.

Example:  Instead of comparing yourself to others, you celebrate what makes you different -- your creativity, sense of humor, perspective or compassion.

In conclusion, loving yourself isn't about waiting for some perfect moment or being flawless.  It's about making conscious, everyday choices to show up for yourself.  Real self-love is found in the small, daily acts that honor your worth and well-being.

So, next time you think of self-love, remember -- it's not about doing it "perfectly."  It is about doing it authentically, bravely, and consistently.

If you're ready to start making these small shifts today but need support navigating the journey -- I'm here to help!  Schedule your free consultation below or learn more about the solutions I offer.  Just click below.